


Truly

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:23:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reunited in the Deep Roads, Nathaniel decides he is not going to let Anders slip out of his life again. He leaves the Wardens and shacks up with him in Darktown, promising to be with him through thick and thin. Even in the face of the Kirkwall Rebellion, Nathaniel stands by his man.</p><p>Written for a kink-meme prompt who needed Anders' LI to be "DESPERATELY in love with him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truly

**Author's Note:**

> Look, you know what, I'm just coming out and saying it. I don't like Sebastian. I was indifferent to him and then after Inquisition just was like NOPE.

If anyone else were to look at Anders now, having only known him as a foolish twenty something in Amaranthine, they would be hard pressed to recognize him. But Nathaniel knew him, had spent hours memorizing those deep brown eyes and perfect soft lips. His furrowed expression when he was confused or irritated. The lines on his face had deepened, but they were the same lines he traced with his fingers. The same scars on his arms and chest that Nathaniel had spent hours kissing. He was a perfect vision of his life seven years beforehand, a flash of longing that he thought had put aside. His arms had ached for him, his heart had yearned for him, and everything he had put aside came flooding back into his body in that moment when their eyes met and Anders asked in surprise, "Nate?"

Nathaniel had suspected he was passing into the Fade, but the vision of the beautiful ghost before him only confirmed it. Anders was gone and he had been gone for years. And he hated the Deep Roads, which was unfortunate considering his occupation. If Anders were free of the Wardens, he would certainly never go back under ground willing again. Anders would not be alive and breathing and giving him that look. How he had missed that expression. A thin pretense at calm, but running underneath the surface a well of fear. 

Did Nathaniel remember him so well that he would be able to replicate him so exactly in his dying moments? His voice was deeper, his hair lighter, but it was so close, so close to perfect. 

Nathaniel felt his knees buckle and Anders ran out to catch him, holding him close. Nathaniel closed his eyes and burrowed his face into his shirt. He smelled different. The lyrium tinge was almost gone, replaced with dirt and elfroot. He liked it, it suited him so well. He smelled like green grass and earth. He had lived well, he hadn't been trapped in the Circle. That was good...that is what he would have wanted for him. To be free, to be happy...he hoped he was happy.

Nathaniel passed into the black, hearing Anders call his name desperately. 

***

Nathaniel stirred on a worn bedroll, blinking at the bright firelight. Anders was beside him, washing his face with cool water. Nathaniel looked up into his perfect eyes and kissed him hard. 

As much as he loved Anders' voice, he needed every part of him. He didn't want to speak, he wanted to make all of this real. Anders grasped at him, moaning his name into his ear. Nathaniel rolled Anders underneath him and tugged down his trousers, settling between his thighs. He kissed and licked his growing cock and Anders gasped, wrapping his legs around his shoulders.

"Nate, we shouldn't-"

Anders threw his head back and ran his fingers through Nathaniel's hair as Nathaniel brought him into his mouth. He took him as deep as he could, watching Anders' skin grow pink, his breath hitching. Nathaniel's cock grew heavy in his pants, but he made no efforts to relieve the ache. Just seeing Anders like this was nearly enough for him. 

Anders whispered, "Stop."

Nathaniel immediately withdrew and Anders kissed him tenderly. Nathaniel kissed his neck and reached between them, stroking him. Anders grinded against him, wrapping his arms around him. Nathaniel kissed him desperately, entwining them. He whispered his lost love's name again and again.

"I missed you," Nathaniel groaned into his skin. "I missed you so much."

Anders shuddered beneath him, spilling against their clothes. Anders straddled him, grinding his softening cock against Nathaniel's groin and thrusting him between his thighs. 

"This can't be the last time," Anders pleaded, gripping his hips. "I need you. I never stopped needing you."

Nathaniel gasped as Anders took him into his hand, stroking him to completion. Nathaniel kissed him, wrapping his hands in his hair, desperate to be as close to him as possible. When their lips parted, Anders murmured, "I'm sorry I didn't-"

"It doesn't matter," Nathaniel reassured, cupping his face in his hands. "Nothing else matters except that you and I are together. You're alive...I always hoped but...Maker, Anders."

"I should have-"

Nathaniel kissed him again. "Tell me if it will make you feel better, but I am so glad to have you in my arms again."

Anders started to sob. "I came to try to help Karl. He...he died. They made him Tranquil and I helped...I helped...I should have told you, I should have said goodbye, but I was so scared. Justice..."

Nathaniel held him close and murmured, "I know, Anders. I know about Justice. It is all right. If he had asked me, I would have done it myself, you know that."

"I broke him, corrupted him," Anders whispered. "Nate, I've screwed everything up. I tried to help people here, but I can't save them. I should have written, but I knew...I knew you. At first I thought you'd make me go home and then I thought you must hate me or you moved on. I always thought with Velanna. She was your type."

Nathaniel laughed in surprise. "With a shem? She'd more likely chop off my hand than hold it. She actually got bonded a few years ago, nice guy."

"Has there been..."

"No. You?"

Anders shook his head. "Justice didn't think it was a good idea." 

"And what is he saying right now?" Nathaniel asked.

Anders smiled weakly. "It's not like that exactly, his thoughts are mixed in with my own sometimes. But right now...he likes you. He always liked you, though he thinks this is unfair to you." 

Nathaniel murmured, "Let me decide what's fair."

They cleaned up the best they could and settled in the other's arms. Anders curled into his chest and Nathaniel breathed in his scent and ran his fingers through his hair. He couldn't sleep, he didn't want to miss him. What if he closed his eyes and woke to find that Anders was gone again?

It had nearly killed him the last time. There were months of his life he simply did not remember. He only snapped out of it once the Warden-Commander had gone to track down an old companion and left him in charge. If he hadn't been responsible for the lives of his entire unit, he might have spent years being the pining, mourning mess Anders had left him as.

He should have been upset, but he understood. Karl had been the love of Anders' life long before he had even met Nathaniel. And after the merge with Justice...Nathaniel had seen the aftermath, heard the stories. Anders had suffered deeply, perhaps even more than he had. Right now, all he could think of was the man peacefully resting beside him. 

Eventually exhaustion won and Nathaniel fell asleep. But when he woke, Anders was just outside the tent, talking to this Hawke and her companions. Anders turned to face him and smiled. Nathaniel's heart jumped in his chest. The others discussed the plans to rescue the rest of the Wardens but the pair only had eyes for each other. If the Archdemon itself had shown up, Nathaniel still would have a hard time focusing on it. He suspected-well, hoped-that Anders might feel the same. Though it was different for him. He had chosen to leave, had known that Nathaniel was alive and well for years. He had said that it could not be the last time, but was it something just in the heat of the moment? Had Anders moved on?

The thought pained him further. Anders was younger than him and had always been charming and playful. He could have anyone he wanted. Nathaniel was near forty now and had spent the last near decade practically celibate. Anders had left him and Nathaniel had nothing to offer to try to convince him to return to him.

After all was said and done, they neared the surface. Nathaniel asked for his unit to begin the hike back to their base camp, promising to catch up soon. Anders' friends made camp only a mile or so away, leaving them both with privacy and an easy escape from each other.

Anders walked beside him, breathing deeply.

"Still claustrophobic?" Nathaniel asked.

"It's actually gotten worse over the years," Anders admitted. "When you see where I live, you'll understand."

"Anders...we should talk."

"Nate," Anders said, "I know what you're going to say. I can't go back with you. I want to. Desperately. I've thought about you every day for years. After Karl died, I thought about packing up and going home, but I knew I had to stay. My work is important here, more important than anything I ever did with the Wardens. The mages of this city need me. I can't abandon them, even for you. There are things...Maker, I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Nate, I can't go back. It's too late." 

Nathaniel insisted, "Anders, you're in danger in Kirkwall. Come back home. You don't have to do this."

Anders whispered, "I do. I wish it wasn't me, but it has to be me. Justice won't let me abandon my mission now. Nate, I really wish I could."

Nathaniel stopped walking and took Anders' hand in his. "Then I'll stay here."

"What?" Anders asked in shock.

Nathaniel dropped to one knee, his heart racing. "Anders, I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. I have given the Wardens eight years of my life. Let me give the rest to you. I will fight your battles beside you. I will keep you warm and safe and protect you from all harm. If you will have me, I will be yours for the rest of my life."

A hint of blue flashed behind Anders' eyes. "Nate, you don't understand. There are things that I must do that I can't let you be part of. Please, I don't want to hurt you. I love you. I can't drag you into all of this."

"You and I both know that sometimes what is necessary is not an easy choice," Nathaniel said. "Let me share your burden, let me help you. You are not well, Anders. You're tired and exhausted. Let me take care of you, like you once took care of me."

Anders started crying and he smiled weakly. "I'm sorry, I'm normally not this much of a wreck."

Nathaniel kissed his hand, looking still into his eyes. "Say yes."

Anders nodded, biting his lip. Nathaniel rose to his feet and kissed him hard. Anders held him desperately, grasping at him. When they pulled apart, Nathaniel wiped the tears from Anders' eyes, his hands shaking. 

"I love you," Nathaniel whispered.

"I love you," Anders said. 

"I'll speak to Sigrun and I will return," Nathaniel promised. "I will meet you in Kirkwall in two days time."

Anders smiled nervously. "Okay."

Nathaniel kissed him again, reluctant to leave but knowing he owed his companions an explanation. They would understand, though most would be annoyed the rather perky little dwarf would now be in charge. They would get used to it, in time.

Eventually Nathaniel managed to drag himself away after a few more heated kisses. He caught up with his unit and announced his retirement. They were surprisingly understanding and many wished him luck. Sigrun made him promise he would buy Anders a ring and make an honest man of him and Nathaniel blushed. He spent that night with his men, knowing that he would miss them, but he was doing the right thing. Anders needed him and he needed Anders. It was impulsive, but it was not rash. It was what was meant to be.

***

When Nathaniel returned to Kirkwall, he was a free man. It was a strange feeling. For nearly twenty years he served a master or served in the Wardens. Right now, he had no commitment or obligations except for the one he had chosen for himself. Anders would be waiting for him.

Nathaniel bought some civilian clothes and a few necessities and was very tempted to pick up a few treats for Anders, but thought better of it for now. He was also for the first time in twenty years, very unemployed, and he knew Anders was poor as dirt. Extravagances would have to wait for now.

He made his way through Darktown, eventually arriving at the clinic. While he was horrified at Anders' living conditions, he was also not terribly surprised. Of course he would go among the poorest of the poor. He always stuck steadfast to the underdog and was remarkably used to sleeping on the ground. 

A pair of cats meowed at the entrance and Nathaniel bent down to pet them. He would have to reassure Anders that Ser Pounce had retired from the Wardens and was alive and well in Denerim at the Royal Palace. A big step up for an abandoned kitten, certainly. Apparently the King had quite a soft spot for furry creatures.

Nathaniel went inside, seeing Anders hard at work with a group of elven teenagers, all sporting braces and bandages. Anders was lecturing the one while the rest turned to see Nathaniel enter. Anders eventually looked up and a smile slipped across his face.

"Nate," he greeted. "You're here. I'm sorry, I'll be done in a few minutes."

"Take your time, Anders. I'll just go freshen up in the back."

"Good luck," Anders sighed. "We've had a particularly bad flu going around the last two weeks. The place is a mess."

Nathaniel entered the back to find Anders' meager quarters. Most of his possessions fit in one room and the latrine was clearly shared with his patients. Still, Nathaniel washed his face and combed his hair the best he could. There was no real place for him to unpack, which worked as he had almost nothing with him. He had planned to send for some of his things at Amaranthine, but that would clearly have to wait. 

Nathaniel picked up the discarded pages around the tiny desk and read a few passages. It was clearly Anders' handwriting, but it was...it was not that Anders was not a smart man when they had known each other, but the words used here were not words Anders would have used eight years ago. There was passion, conviction, and the intensity shook him. Some of it was Justice, surely, but it still indicated that Anders had gone through hell and he refused to let that go unspoken. 

For a moment, Nathaniel's resolve faltered. What was he doing here? Had he really thrown everything away to live in a dive with a man he knew a near decade ago? A man who had left him without a word and clearly was not doing well? Had he made a mistake?

Anders opened the curtain enough for him to get into the bedroom. He looked exhausted, but his smile still lit up the room. 

"I can't believe you're here," he murmured. "I thought it was all a dream."

Nathaniel's doubts faded as their eyes met. He was here because it was Anders. Because he would have followed Anders to the Void and back if he needed him. Because Anders was still trying to right the wrongs of the world. Because Anders still felt things deeply and still missed the same patches shaving and still left out milk for stray cats. Milk that he probably couldn't even afford for himself. Because Anders was the goddamn love of his life and he would be a fool to leave hm.

Nathaniel kissed him and pulled him into the bed with him. The tiny frame creaked beneath them, threatening to break under them. Anders felt so small under his hands, he hadn't realized how much weight he had lost. 

"I'm filthy," Anders warned, "I should go clean up."

"When did you last have a bath?" Nathaniel asked. "Not just washing with a bucket and soap. An actual hot bath?"

Anders frowned. "Maybe...maybe when Hawke first moved into the Estate. I guess five years ago. The tub was too small, I barely fit."

"I'm adding it to the list," Nathaniel said, kissing his neck.

"The list?" Anders asked in amusement.

"Of things we're going to have," Nathaniel insisted. "I'll find work soon and we'll spruce the place up a bit. You deserve a bit of comfort."

"It's fine," Anders reassured, "it's not too bad here and I'm working all the time. I really don't have time for heating a bath and then actually enjoying it. Really, you don't have to do anything like that for me. It's just enough that you're here."

Nathaniel nipped his skin. "Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I just want you spotlessly clean so I can really have my way with you."

Anders shivered slightly. "I guess that might be..."

He gasped as Nathaniel tore open his threadbare shirt. In a frenzy, both of their clothes ended up scattered on the floor. Nathaniel settled between Anders' legs, kissing his inner thighs. He took his hardening cock into his mouth, one hand stroking the base, the other teasing just beneath his sac, fingering his canals. Anders groaned as that hand moved slightly lower, rubbing against the base of his prostate and down to his rim. He pulled that hand back and grasped his hip.

Nathaniel withdrew enough to grin at him. "See? If I could just get you into a bath, imagine what fun we could have."

"Point taken," Anders groaned. "Keep going, please."

Nathaniel did so, pulling him towards the back of his throat. Anders bucked up into him, his thrusts growing hard enough that Nathaniel let go of his cock and gripped into his hips, letting Anders seek his satisfaction. 

He gasped, spilling into his mouth. Nathaniel swallowed and teased him still with his tongue until Anders pulled away. Anders looked at him in utter adoration and Nathaniel felt like a god. He stroked himself to completion, finishing on Anders' stomach. 

Anders whispered breathlessly, "Next time I want you in me."

Nathaniel grinned. "Are you sure you're up for that, love?"

"I can take as much as you can give," Anders said. "I thought you'd remember that."

Nathaniel kissed him deeply, already longing for their next encounter. He had such hang ups about anal sex, but with Anders...with Anders it was different. He never felt so close to him as he did then, it felt almost natural. And it was so hot seeing Anders beneath him, begging for pleasure. 

Anders asked, "Are you up for it? I don't want to pressure you."

Nathaniel shook his head. "I'm fine. Come on, I'm exhausted. Let's get some sleep." 

"I apologize in advance for how tiny my bed is," Anders said sheepishly.

"It's on the list."

Anders tried to protest, but eventually thanked him with a sheepish smile. 

Despite the small frame and the thin mattress, they slept cozily in each other's arms. Nathaniel felt warm and comfortable in his borrowed, faded bedclothes while Anders slept naked except for a loose pair of breeches. He suspected it would be cold in the winter, but he would make some renovations by then. 

Nathaniel fell asleep, the presence of a Warden beside him staving off his dreams. 

***

When Nathaniel and Anders had gotten together years beforehand, they announced their new relationship to their friends with nervous joy. Their companions had been excited for them and far, far too encouraging. It should have felt nice, but it only felt like everyone at the Keep was constantly cheering him on and it grew too much.

At that moment, he would have done anything to go back to that instead of the awkward silence around the table. Anders had said it so quickly, maybe that was why he suddenly had three confused faces glancing between the two of them.

"So..." Hawke tried, "you've moved to Kirkwall. For good. To live here. With Anders."

Varric asked, "So you two are...dating? Living together? That's...fast, isn't it?"

Merrill frowned. "I'm sorry, who is he again?"

Anders said, "It's not that fast. We've known each other for years."

"And then you left him," Hawke pointed out.

Nathaniel grasped Anders' hand. "There were...extenuating circumstances. It's all in the past now."

Varric asked, "Didn't you know Justice before he and Anders...you know..."

Nathaniel offered to get everyone a drink and practically fled to the bar. He ordered a round and returned to the table, seeing a few more people had arrived. Anders started introducing him, but Nathaniel stopped listening when a familiar pair of eyes met his. The man interrupted Anders with a wave of his hand. 

"We've actually met before," Sebastian commented. "Ser Rodolphe's squire, were you not? He was often present in the Starkhaven court when I was younger. I remember because, if you'll forgive me, you were nearly twenty-two when you came to train under him. My father thought it strange that a grown eldest son would be sent so far away from home to such a minor position."

Nathaniel glared at him and Anders squeezed his hand. 

"It is good to see you again, your Highness," Nathaniel said politely. "Though I hear you have become a Brother of the Chantry. It is unexpected, given your...popularity when I was last in Starkhaven."

"It seems age has bettered us both, Warden."

Hawke cleared her throat. "Anyways, it's nice to have you join us, Howe. You should see him in action, Sebastian. He's a hell of an archer."

"I witnessed his training from time to time," Sebastian commented. "I see that with great practice he has come into his own talents."

Varric glanced between the two of them. "Sorry, is there something I'm missing here?"

Nathaniel forced himself to smile. "Just a little jesting between old friends. I look forward to becoming reacquainted." 

At the end of the night, Nathaniel and Anders walked towards the clinic. Nathaniel kept his hand protectively on the small of Anders' back as they entered their home. The mage stripped out of his clothes without ceremony and crawled into their tiny bed. Nathaniel undressed to his underclothes and sat on a chair across the room, cleaning off his boots. 

"What was that all about?" Anders asked sleepily. 

"I've told you bits of it before," Nathaniel said. "You knew I had a bit of reputation once I got to Starkhaven. He was being coy, but almost everyone in my father's social circle knew about why I was there. It was an ill kept secret, meant to shame me. Sebastian was a friend, a confident really. His family judged his sex life too, even if our lives were so unalike."

"Especially since you didn't have a sex life," Anders chuckled. 

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "Regardless, we grew close. We trained together and on my rare nights off we drank together. I had just gotten back from the Grand Tourney, so I must have been there past two years I think. We had gotten together so I could boast and he was very drunk. He made a pass at me."

Nathaniel put his boots to the side. "If Sebastian had feelings for me or wanted to understand his sexuality better, I might have gone alone with it, if he had been sober, of course. I had only been with one man, as you know, and I trusted him. But Sebastian...well, he was upset when I turned him down. He thought...he thought that a man like me should take whatever crumbs thrown at me, since no one could ever want to be in a real relationship with me. And that he was doing me a favour. He just wanted to have sex with a man, to see if he liked it. I think...I don't know. At the time I thought he was angry he couldn't have whatever he wanted. Then I thought he was trying to humiliate me, jealous that I had done so well in the Tourney when he had been forbidden to go. I don't know."

"What happened?" Anders asked, now wide-awake.

Nathaniel slid into bed beside him."He apologized the next day, but the damage was done. We had always been friendly rivals, but it grew severe. He left for the Chantry I think two years later and it was easier then. But he was right, I was alone. And some days I wondered if I had let him have me he would have stayed. Maybe his family would have accepted me, maybe I wouldn't have been alone. Then I met you. Then I knew what I had been waiting for."

Anders kissed him passionately and they grasped and grabbed at the other. Nathaniel came up for air only to have Anders pull him back to him. Anders straddled him, entangling them as closely as they could. 

"I need you inside of me," Anders whispered. "Now."

Nathaniel groaned into his neck, shifting slightly so Anders could reach a vial of oil tossed hastily underneath the bed. Nathaniel coated himself quickly and slid himself into him, Anders impaling himself on him. Anders rolled Nathaniel underneath him and rode him desperately. Nathaniel sat up against the wall and kissed him hungrily, digging his nails into his back. 

"I love you so much," Anders whispered. 

Nathaniel gripped into his skin harder. "Maker, I didn't think I could love something as much as I love you. Don't stop, for the love of God, don't stop."

Anders moaned into his skin, slipping into his native tongue. Nathaniel grasped his bobbing cock and stroked him hard, feeling him arch and stiffen under his touch. 

"I want to marry you," Anders whispered. "I want to take your last name. I want to have your baby."

Nathaniel choked out a laugh. "That one may not work so well, love."

"You're so unromantic," Anders teased. 

Anders stopped talking, his breath hitching. Nathaniel bucked up into him, taking a nipple into his mouth. Anders cried out as he hit his peak, coming hard onto Nathaniel's chest. Nathaniel started to pull out, but Anders slammed down onto him. Nathaniel desperately held on until he spurted into him. 

Nathaniel wiped them clean with an old shirt, tossing it into the fire.

"You keep destroying my clothes," Anders complained.

"I'm going to buy you new ones," Nathaniel said, kissing his chest. "No more rags, Anders. I want to show you off. I want to spoil you."

Anders shook his head. "Nate-"

"This is my job here. You take care of the common people and I take care of you. Please, Anders, let me take care of you."

"I don't deserve you," Anders murmured.

"Neither do I," Nathaniel said, cupping his face, "but here we are. Might as well make the most out of it."

Anders pressed his forehead against his. "Might as well."

***

Nathaniel had been apprehensive when Sebastian had asked him to come to the Chantry, but once he was inside he began to relax. The Brother was kneeling before the altar, stirring from his meditations from the sounds of Nathaniel's boots on the tiles. Sebastian rose and smiled at him sincerely.

"Shall we walk in the courtyard?"

Nathaniel agreed and followed him outside into the little rose garden. Sebastian hesitated but finally began to speak.

"I want to apologize for both my words last night and my actions years before, Nathaniel. I have been attempting to become a better man over these years but I fear that last night I slipped into old habits. I was simply shocked at seeing you again and that you would be suddenly so involved in my world. It was unkind of me to speak ill of you when I was the one at fault when we were young."

Nathaniel was oddly touched. "I can appreciate trying to be a better man."

"I do not expect you to forgive me over night, but once we were friends. I would like to regain that one day, if we can."

"Maybe," Nathaniel agreed.

"It is strange that you should be here of all places, now of all times," Sebastian admitted. "I have found myself in doubt as of late and the Maker seems to send a sign in your presence, but I do not know what it means. You represent a time in my life when I was selfish and cruel, a reminder of the man the Chantry has reformed. But as I consider returning to my rightful throne, I see also a reminder that I am not the same boy who was cast from home."

"You're going to leave the Order?" Nathaniel asked.

"I am considering it. The Free Marches are in crisis and there is much more I can do as a prince than as a priest. These are dangerous days for Kirkwall, something I imagine you will understand better the longer you live in the city. I know I am not worthy of your trust, but please let me give you some advice about your lover, for he is not the innocent you think he is."

Nathaniel cut him off harshly. "I know what's happening in this city, Sebastian, probably better than you do, so I ask you to hold your tongue before I cut it out." 

Sebastian's eyes widened and Nathanial thought to apologize, but decided not to. He simply bowed his head and said, "I will take my leave, Brother. Excuse me."

To Sebastian's credit, he did not say a word of the encounter to their companions at the Hanged Man that night, but the two archers remained cool to the other. Eventually Nathaniel went home to the clinic, seeing Anders still up late at work. Nathaniel helped him with the little field training he had until every patient was either gone or tucked in for the night. 

Once in their own room, Nathaniel massaged Anders' aching muscles with some oil. Anders sighed happily underneath his hands, eventually falling asleep. Nathaniel lay beside him, his chest aching too much to close his eyes. He watched Anders' face by the sputtering candlelight. He looked relaxed, a rare expression. It was good to see him so peaceful when there was such turmoil in his heart.

***

Kirkwall was worse than anyone could have prepared him for. He took work with Hawke, who offered him a fair amount of coin. When he asked why Anders hadn't been paid the same, Hawke frowned and assured he did, but Anders spent almost all of it on medical supplies. Nathaniel sighed. No wonder he was so thin.

After weeks on the streets of Kirkwall, witnessing its terrors first hand, Nathaniel felt even more anxious for his love. The city was sitting on a powder keg and it would only take a spark to set it off. And Anders would be one of its first targets. He could see it, the Templars taking over the city. The thought kept him up at night, thinking of Anders and every other man's Anders being exterminated.

After too many sleepless nights, Nathaniel confided his fears in Anders, who looked at him with incredibly sad eyes.

"Then you understand," he murmured.

Nathaniel frowned. "Understand what, love?"

Anders kissed him. "I wish we had more time."

Nathaniel tried to ask him what he meant, but Anders pulled him to him and the pair were soon writhing against the other. When Nathaniel came, he felt a cool wave go down his spine and utter relaxation took a hold of him. As he fell asleep, he was only minutely aware that Anders had gone.

***

As the Chantry lay in ashes around them, Nathaniel found himself feeling oddly numb. He knew he should feel something. Dozens of people were dead...but he had been in Amaranthine when it fell, he had seen thousands. He had seen the city his sister and nephew lived in utterly destroyed. He had seen so much suffering, pain, and death in the past years of his life, all in the name of protecting those he was sworn to. Those were the same experiences that had led Anders here. 

He had wished it had not come to this and he wished Anders had trusted him, but in that moment he did not feel sorrow, but a strange sense of relief. This was the darkness in his love's eyes, this was the weight on his shoulders, and it was something that Nathaniel could bear. 

Anders waited for judgment, but Nathaniel rushed to him, kneeling before him. He took the mage's hands in his own.

"You could have told me," Nathaniel whispered. "I would have-"

Anders interrupted, "You didn't need more lives on your conscience, Nate."

"I love you," he murmured.

Anders nodded, tears coming to his eyes. Nathaniel kissed him softly, brushing his hair out of his face. They both turned as Sebastian began shouting.

"You can't be serious! He needs to die. You know that!"

Nathaniel stood protectively in front of Anders, reaching for his bow.

Hawke said quietly, "Maybe, but I can't. He's my friend."

"It is your friendship that has led us here, Hawke," Sebastian snapped. "If you had not been encouraging him and all these other blood mages, Kirkwall might still be in one piece. If you cannot do it, then I will."

Nathaniel grabbed an arrow and aimed it at Sebastian. "Keep your hands up."

Anders protested, "Nate-"

Nathaniel snarled, "You're going to let us go, prince, or I'm going to send this straight between those pretty blue eyes of yours."

"You would murder me for him?" Sebastian asked in shock. "I knew you were a man of depravity, but to do this, for...him? Stand down, Howe."

Hawke warned, "Nathaniel, put your bow down and we'll talk about this."

"I'm not letting him touch Anders," Nathaniel warned.

Hawke promised, "He won't, just put the bow down."

Nathaniel did so slowly, watching Sebastian carefully as he did so. The prince looked to her in horror. "How could you, Hawke? I can't have any part of this. If you let that man live, I will not stand by you any longer. I will go to Starkhaven and raise an army like you have never seen." 

He growled at Nathaniel, "And I will find your precious Anders and every other mage still in the Free Marches and there will be a reckoning that you cannot fathom, Howe. Let him die now quickly or I will make him suffer."

Varric asked, "Okay, can I shoot him now then?"

"Stand down, Varric," Hawke said, "we can settle this."

"While Anders lives, there can be no peace," Sebastian protested, aiming his own weapon at Nathaniel's chest. 

"You'll have to go through me first," Nathaniel warned. "Can you really do that, Seb?" 

"One more causality in a holy war," Sebastian said regretfully. "You understand the cost of sacrifice, Howe, and you seem one who thinks it honourable to die for love." 

"Enough!" Hawke shouted. 

Both men glanced at her, the mage practically glowing with rage.

"Nathaniel, get Anders out of the city, now. Go somewhere safe," Hawke instructed. "And Sebastian...Sebastian, just go."

Sebastian warned Nathaniel, "This isn't the end."

Nathaniel was already halfway down the street, Anders under his arm. The mage said nothing during their escape, even as they found themselves aboard a slow boat to Denerim. Nathaniel wrapped Anders' coat around the pair of them as they settled in the cargo hold. Anders shivered. 

"Do you hate me?" He whispered.

Nathaniel murmured, "Never."

"I had to."

"I trust you," Nathaniel reassured. "It's over now, we're going home."

"Vigil's Keep?"

"If you want, if not we'll keep going south. Our old Commander has some property in Gwaren that she's offered to me. It might be a nice place to hide out for awhile."

"I don't deserve that," Anders whispered.

"You deserve better," Nathaniel agreed. "Everything you asked of me. We'll get married; you can take my last name. You'll have to start using your real name though. I think Gwy-"

"Don't you dare say it all," Anders groaned. "I'll pick a new first name too."

"I doesn't matter what I call you, as long as I get to call you mine."

Anders smiled weakly. "Nate..."

"I think after everything we have been through in the past ten years, we both deserve a bit of happiness," Nathaniel said quietly. 

Nathaniel kissed him softly, cupping his face in his hands. They snuggled as best they could against the lumpy bags of potatoes and watched each other in adoration until the light grew too dim to see each other. 

***

They took to Gwaren by boat shortly after arriving in Denerim. Anders dyed and cut his hair and repierced his ear on the voyage over, looking a different man when they stepped back onto Ferelden shores and to their new lot of land in the southern reaches of the region. 

To their new neighbours, the Howes were a relatively uninteresting pair. No relation to the Howes of Amaranthine, thank you very much, these two were just a hunter and his husband. The brunette was fair too serious, but the blonde was a rather gentle thing and often made him laugh. The two were clearly infatuated to the point that some of them would say to their wives and husbands, "Why can't you look at me like those two look at each other?"

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, unless Bioware gives me solid evidence that this is not the reason the Howes shipped off Nathaniel to the Free Marches, I'm just going to say that queer Nathaniel is canon and y'all can fight me.


End file.
